In a shocking turn of events, John Swofford announced today that the Bowl Championship Series would not select undefeated Texas for the championship game, instead opting for Florida State. "After listening to the argument the Gator Bowl was making," Swofford said, "we decided that Bobby Bowden deserved a larger stage on which to play his final game. They were just a natural fit for the Championship game."

Approximately thirty-three NCAA rules would have to be bent, broken, or contravened to put FSU in the title game, but Swofford seemed unconcerned. "Football fans have come to expect the best match-up as determined by arcane and byzantine factors, and a true champion cannot be judged without taking into account a full thirty-four years of performance." In a further effort to give the fans what they want, Florida State's quarterback will be replaced by University of Florida senior Tim Tebow. "The entire season has been predicated on a repeat performance by Tim Tebow in the national championship. To deny the fans this simply because events on the field did not conform to the predetermined narrative would go against the fine tradition of college football."

The Tebow-led Seminoles will face undefeated SEC champion Alabama, unless Joe Paterno decides to retire in the next month, in which case the Crimson Tide would be relegated to the Sugar Bowl in favor of Penn State.